
It’s all here and it’s SavageReligion, baby.
Chapters 1–3: The Origin Mess
- Creation: Light, sky, animals, men… all in 6 days.
- Eden: One rule. One snake. One eviction notice.
“God said ‘Don’t touch that tree.’ Eve said ‘…ok but why tho?’”
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Chapters 4–11: Family Drama & Global Reset
- Cain vs. Abel: First sibling, first murder.
- Noah: Builds a boat. Floods the world. Gets drunk. Not in that order.
- Tower of Babel: Humans build a skyscraper to heaven. God invents language barriers.
Cain said ‘Am I my brother’s keeper?’ and God said ‘Do I LOOK like I play?’
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Chapters 12–25: The Abraham Saga
- God picks Abraham: Promises kids, land, glory. Abraham laughs.
- Sarai & Hagar: Love triangle with spiritual consequences.
- Ishmael & Isaac: Two sons, two destinies, 99% tension.
God: Sacrifice your son. Abraham: Say less. Isaac: Wait WHAT??
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Chapters 26–36: Isaac, Rebekah & the Jacob Era
- Jacob & Esau: Birthright stolen via soup.
- Jacob, Rachel & Leah: Divine love triangle with bonus sheep.
- Wrestling an angel: Jacob wins, gets renamed Israel.
Jacob tricked his blind dad. And God still picked him. So… vibes.
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Chapters 37–50: Joseph & the Drama Coat
- Joseph: Dream interpreter, coat enthusiast.
- Sold by his brothers.
- Ends up in Egypt. Prison. Pharaoh’s palace. Global famine manager.
Honestly? Joseph gave main character before it was cool.
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